Trail Pooper

This is a story that I was asked to repeat a lot, it is one of the top when it comes to funny. The phrase Trail Pooper lived on for a long time. This Scout continued to be a challenge in the Troop and eventually left after he could not follow the rules.

Trail Pooper

NOTE: the actual name of the party has been changed to the word BROWN to protect the identity of the person.

The Outhouse at camps vary, but let’s just say they are less than ideal. I have used everything from very nice, to defecating in the middle of a field sitting on a shoe box. To say less than ideal, would be an understatement but sometimes the farther you spread the spectrum of outhouses, you realize how good you have it most of the time.

At Summer camp, I would rate the outhouses better than average. They are buildings built on cement slabs with two stainless steel tubes, capped off with a nice white seat. Having been in the backcountry of Philmont, these are ideal, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing that compares to the porcelain we have all come to know in our own homes, but that is just one of the reasons coming home seems to be treat.  Usually, it is the first thing I head for when returning home. For some reason, the sound of the “flushing” toilet is similar to the sound of letting out that deep breath at the end of a long race. Ahaw, to be home again.

In the mind of an 11-year-old, the feeling may not be the same. Partly because their horizons have not been widened to see the bigger crapper spectrum yet. Summer camp in the first time they are forced to use these outhouses, or so I thought. For many young Scouts, summer camp may be the first time they are away from home for a period of more than a day or two. Sure, they have been to grandma's, on some family vacation or something, but these trips have always been with mom and/or dad in tow and NEVER in such rustic conditions. Outhouses, not usually an option for family vacations, but at summer camp they are a necessity. I never realized how intimidating these outhouses would be, till this story unfolded.

It was a warm summer day at camp, not all that different than many, we were in day 3 or 4 of camp and I had already had some discipline issues with Scouts, so camp was going as it usually does, don’t remember what the issues were, but I do remember who it was. So when that morning, when one of my leadership Corps members came running up to me and told me I needed to talk to Brown about a problem it was no surprise, Brown was should we say “energetic” 11 year old Scout who in his Scouting years, had many talks with Mr. F. What I didn’t understand was why this Leadership Corps member was laughing so hard when he told me I needed to talk to Brown. Once he sat down and rested a little from running but more so to get control of his laugher did I realize why. Now I have heard a lot of things, but I was not sure I was ready for what I would hear. The young leader said that he just caught Brown pooping on the trail, now when I say that, I mean a main trail into their campsite. A trail traveled probably about 100 times by each of the kids in camp. Now laying in the middle of this trail was a pile of turd that no one would miss. Thinking this was funny, the Leadership Corp member continued to watch what would be next, standing at a distance with his jaw wide open in disbelief. Brown pulled his pants up skipping any paper work that would be involved in this event and went running into to camp to retrieve his friend to show him his proud pile of poop in the middle of the trail. Now what goes through the mind of an 11 year old at that point is something we will never understand. It is one thing to have to poop so bad that you just drop your pants and do it, but right in the middle of the trail and then call your friends around to “check it out”, how as a Scoutmaster do you begin to discipline? As the Scoutmaster I had to retain my composure and at the time and act mature, but for some reason any discussion around the word poop or other bodily functions seems to be funny, but as an adult, I had to control myself. The other Leadership Corps members there remained laughing out of control, not one of them could believe it and continued to ask to hear the story, or parts of it over. Laughing at other Scouts is neither encouraged nor really allowed, but sometimes, when they do things like this, the rules do not seem to apply, but I still tried to keep my composure. My next step was to figure out how this discussion would go in order to correct this unacceptable behavior. Needless to say, we didn’t need to have 50 Scouts pooping in the middle of the trail, let alone bragging about it. The discipline went well, but one comment surfaced from the discussion, when I asked him why he did it, he told me his dad said it was OK. Now I am sure his dad did say it was OK not to use the outhouse, and go in the woods somewhere, but I really doubt his dad said, “son, if you have to go, drop your pants in the middle of the trail and poop right there” and then I am sure he followed that up with a statement like “ and son, don’t forget, when you do this, make sure you call back into your camp and call all your buddies to check it out”. Sometimes we wonder if the kids are listening, here is proof they are, the problem is, they are not listing to all of the story, just the parts they needed, like you don’t have to use the outhouse.

It was after this incident and its many retellings of the story over the years with the name replaced with the title “trail pooper” did I come to realize how  terrified 11 year olds are of the infamous outhouse, and I began to get a better understanding of the fears. As I mentioned earlier, the outhouses are not that bad, but maybe I don’t see them as a 5 ft kid, weighing 60 lbs soaking wet, and my experience at that age has been selectively blocked from my memory. I relived it thought he eyes of others and became much more aware of things

To a small Scout, who is beginning his trail of “Flush Separation Anxiety” (FSA) coupled with the fact that we are also separating them from their parents for the first time for such a duration of time, this is a lot for them to handle. As the Scout becomes more and more stressed by all aspects of being away, things look different, and continue to get worse as the week progresses.

To them, they saw things in the outhouse that I have never really paid much attention to. They walk up to this little shed in the woods that looks more like tool shed, covered in spider webs, bird poop and grass growing wildly around the outside, like someone was trying to hide this building. The venture up to the building and grab the door, as they do they hear a loud squeak and immediately are hit in the face with a smell that would make mom toss her cookies right there. What is that smell?? No one really knows, it is more than the smell of all those that have gone before you, it includes a strong smell of ammonia, added with a little lye and well throw in some of the worst fart your best friend has ever laid out in the enclosed tent. Ok, they now have to weigh the fact they have to go, with the smell, then back to the fact you have to go. Sometimes after much debate, they tell themselves, they can make it just a little longer and leave, thinking that the smell will get better, maybe someone was just here and did this…. Well, guess what, it wasn’t, because each future trip still smells the same. So this kid enters one more time and realizes, he is going to have to go with the breath holding option, he just cant hold it anymore and it is way to late to run to the flush toilet in the shower house. Just about then, the door swings shut, smacking them in their butt pushing them in, if not that, the load whack of the door slamming shut scares them to the point of almost loosing it right there. He dashes over to the seat, and attempt to sit down, but as he sits down, the seat shifts and his heart goes clear up to his eyes, as he has a flash of all the stories the older Scouts have told him, of that little Scout who fell in the pit to be rescued. Having measuring up the hole in the seat and the size of the 60 lb kid, there is NO doubt it COULD happen That must be why even today, we all look down the pit, what is that about, are we making sure there is no one down there? All that is down there is pure disgust, lets fact it, NOTHING could be living in there. So now not touching the seat the Scout hovers over the pit, trying to get his job done before they pass out from holding their breath. The last thing they want to do is to have to grasp for another one while still inside the outhouse. Just the thought of that give anyone the shivers. So as that kids is trying to make quick of his work, he notices things like the bat hanging in the corner, the spider webs that seem more like volleyball nets and then you find out why, in the opposite corner of the out house is the HUGEST spider you have EVER seen. It has to be the size of a dinner plate, OH MY GOD is the first thing through their mind, then the thought of screaming is the next, but those are quickly dashed with the realization that BOTH would require opening your mouth in the thick air of the outhouse. Instead, they continue holding their breath and finish and run out of the outhouse as soon as they can. Hoping not to have the return the rest of the week. Some Scouts have been known to try to hold “a dump” for the whole week and try to make it back home or at least a gas station on the way home. I have even seen some reduce their consumption of food just so they didn’t have to go and use the outhouse. It is amazing how overpowering the use of the outhouse is to a young and maybe old Scout. I remember one morning before my ritual “rise and shine” awakening of the Troop, I walked into the outhouse to find one of the seats covered in less-than-healthy feces, I can only guess that a person's subconscious state took over and forced them to the use the outhouse in a comatose state as they slept walked to the bathroom and hovered over the seat not realizing that the lid was down and proceeded to relieve their internal pressure and then back to bed, never realizing what they had done. It was something they may not have been able to work up the courage to do earlier in the day, but now as the memories will seem more of a bad dream, they accomplish the task

The odd part, I am sure it was not much different when I was young, but some how, these fears seemed to subside in the years to follow as we experienced, yet one worst outhouse experience so the ones at weekly summer camp seem to be better each year Not that anyone really looks forward to going to the outhouse, I guess it is just levels dislike and the more levels on the negative side, the better the other ones seem.  I guess that is why they have the word BRAVE in the Scout Law, that a Scout is brave enough to even use the poor excuses of restroom